How To Maintain Your First Adult RelationshipHow To Maintain Your First Adult Relationship
So, without further ado, here are some tips, tricks, and things to look out for as you enter the big and scary world of long-term relationships.
Getting Started
First of all, if you are looking for a strong, long-term relationship for the rest of your life, marriage, if you are interested, you must make this clear to yourself. Stop being happy enough to stay in a relationship, and really, don’t be with someone just for sex. If you are really looking for a good long term relationship, then these are just a waste of time. (Of course, if you’re not looking for long-term stuff yet, then there’s no shame in sticking around for sex/fun, as long as you’re on the same page. More power than you.) Similarly, one night stands will not be able to get you anywhere – even if, by definition, they only last one night, you are not wasting any time.
Time
What about when you are in a relationship that can last? Well, perhaps the most immediate concern is time. Maybe you two are busy too. If you are lucky, you are busy and free at the same time. If not, it will be really difficult. It’s important to understand your partner’s business and other commitments – it may be difficult for them to find time to spend a lazy day with you, and you should be fine with that. Likewise, by using their precious vacation time, they may not want to spend it with you. They (and you) need time for themselves as well as time with their other friends and family. It may not give you as much time as you want, but sometimes it is.
Money
Money is, unsurprisingly, another big issue. For one thing, college is a bit of a financial fix, leaving most people in similar financial situations while in college. The real world is not like that. What if your partner makes twice as much as you do? For one thing, can you keep a handle on your money? Should you split joint purchases on the night 50/50, or will the richer partner pay more? The latter may seem reasonable, but it can leave an unlimited amount of power in the hands of the wealthier of the two of you. You need to decide early on how to handle these types of financial situations. Just because you meet someone with the same income as you doesn’t mean you shouldn’t think about it – you could be just a promotion or two away from serious inequality.
Change
If you stick with someone long enough, you will see things change. You will change; they will change if the relationship will change. You must adapt to it. Sometimes these changes are what will cause problems and lead you astray. Sometimes inconsistency can be a problem, as your relationship becomes sluggish and frustrating, especially after you stop putting special effort into each other and start looking at things.
Live together
Finally, there is something that is, for most couples at least, the most important thing: living together. Unsurprisingly, there are many problems here. Are you into them, or vice versa? Do you see things together? One important thing to consider is personal space. If you share a room together, this is very difficult, but few things will ruin a good relationship faster than feeling like you can’t get away from each other. Last words, but not homework. Maybe I don’t have to explain a relationship problem.