Parents, Families, and Friends of
Support Education AdvocacyQuestions and Answers
For Those Whose Loved Ones Just Came Out
Click on the questions, and see the answers below:
What is happening to me?... Why tell me? Is it my fault? Who recruited my child? What about the law? Should we tell? Is there objective information? Is it a sin? Is it unnatural? Am I in denial? How does my child feel? Is there a cure? Why doesn't my child "act gay"? Will my child have a lonely life? No more grandchildren? Who can I talk to? What about AIDS? Any books I can read?
What Books Can I Read?
Yes! There are countless books on the subject. PFLAG Chapters generally hold collections of books that you can check out on loan. Ask experienced parents which books were most helpful to them initially.
There are many online bookstores that will let you search by topic. Just be prepared for a heavy load of information. If you're just now dealing with the issues (or your issues) surrounding homosexuality, make sure to be selective so that you don't overwhelm yourself with information. Only you can know what areas you should delve into first, and which areas you should leave for later.
Depending on your loved one's age and how long he or she has been "out," you have a great source of information right there. Just be careful no to ask sensitive questions, particularly if you suspect you may not know the answer. Avoid very personal questions. Your gay loved one is entitled to privacy just as much as you are.
A (Very) Short Bibliography
Here's a very small sample of books you may want to check into.
Two Teenagers in Twenty: Writings by Gay and Lesbian Youth. Edited by Ann Heron.
Boston: Alyson Publications, Inc., 1994.
Nonfiction title. Updates the 1983 title One Teenager in 10. Young men and women from
around the country talk about their personal feelings and experiences surrounding their
sexuality, coming out, being in the closet, school, home, friends... Contains
bibliography.
Susan & Daniel Cohen. When Someone You Know is Gay. New York: Dell Publishing,
1989.
For and by gay teens. Describes the struggles of gay youth.
Don Clark, Ph.D. Loving Someone Gay. Berkeley, CA: Celestial Arts, Revised
Edition, 1987.
Helps you get past the scared, shameful, crying stage. A true classic with many many
editions. Highly recommended.
Griffin, Wirth & Wirth. Beyond Acceptance. New York: St. Martin's Press,
1986.
The experiences of other parents of queer youth. Stories that other parents can relate to.
Corrects some of the misimpressions people have of gays and lesbians.
Bruce Bawer. A Place At The Table. New York: Poseidon Press, 1993.
Explains the gay mind and the world that gays inhabit to the straight world. Explains
why the stereotypes exist and what you can do about them.
Dean Hamer and Peter Copeland. The Science of Desire: The Search for the Gay Gene and
the Biology of Behavior. New York: Simon & Schuster, 1994
Presents evidence of a biological basis for homosexuality. Authors discuss their own
research and review the research of others.
Simon LeVay and Dean H. Hamer. Evidence for a Biological Influence in Male
Homosexuality.
The science of homosexuality. Discusses two pieces of evidence, a structure within the
human brain and a genetic link, which point to a biological component for male
homosexuality.
Daniel A. Helminiak, PhD. What the Bible Really Says About Homosexuality.
San Francisco: Alamo Square Press, 1994
Scholarly analysis of Bible and homosexuality. Explains how the Bible has been both
misinterpreted and actually abused. Highly recommended.
Mel White. Stranger at the Gate: To Be Gay and Christian In America. New York:
Plume Books, 1995
Autobiography of a man who was one of the most prominent members of the evangelical
movement of Christianity, a highly successful film maker, and a speech writer for many
of the luminaries of the evangelical movement.
