Parents, Families, and Friends of
Support Education AdvocacyQuestions and Answers
For Those Whose Loved Ones Just Came Out
Click on the questions, and see the answers below:
What is happening to me?... Why tell me? Is it my fault? Who recruited my child? What about the law? Should we tell? Is there objective information? Is it a sin? Is it unnatural? Am I in denial? How does my child feel? Is there a cure? Why doesn't my child "act gay"? Will my child have a lonely life? No more grandchildren? Who can I talk to? What about AIDS? Any books I can read?
How Does My Child Feel?
If your child came out to you voluntarily, you would be surprised to learn about the multitude of issues that your child considered before coming out to you.
Before coming out, our children worked through (and possibly is still working through) fear of rejection, being disowned, being kicked out of the house, hurting you deeply, severing the parental bond, and so forth.
We found it helpful to assure our children that we loved them regardless of their sexual orientation. It was helpful to us and our children for us to share honestly about our own feelings and fears. We urge you to be cautious not to use those feelings and fears against them. Nagging will not help anyone. It'll only create further strain between you and your loved one.
Asking more experienced parents at PFLAG meetings is undoubtedly a great source of information. It's an excellent way to learn from others' mistakes so that we don't have to make them ourselves. It's an excellent way to learn what worked for others when we're in doubt. It's a safe place where you can find the loving support from others that have been where you may be today.
We had a lot of work to do on ourselves so that we could be there for our children. PFLAG also provided a place where we could be there for each other.
