Parents, Families, and Friends of
Support Education AdvocacyQuestions and Answers
For Those Whose Loved Ones Just Came Out
Click on the questions, and see the answers below:
What is happening to me?... Why tell me? Is it my fault? Who recruited my child? What about the law? Should we tell? Is there objective information? Is it a sin? Is it unnatural? Am I in denial? How does my child feel? Is there a cure? Why doesn't my child "act gay"? Will my child have a lonely life? No more grandchildren? Who can I talk to? What about AIDS? Any books I can read?
Am I in Denial?
"I don't have a problem with my child being gay. It doesn't bother me." Are you sure? Answer the following questions to yourself honestly. It will reveal to you whether you're really in acceptance or in some denial.
Are you uncomfortable around a gay couple? Or around
your child's partner? This says a lot about our level of acceptance
of homosexuality. If you are uncomfortable, ask yourself why.
Is it okay for you to see a heterosexual couple displaying
affection to each other but you feel uncomfortable when a same-gender
couple displays the same behavior? Why?
"Because it's just weird" is a common answer, but we seldom
challenge that perception. It's part of being human to somehow reject
what we see as different or deviating from the accepted norm. Thining of
gay persons as "weird" reflects either our unconscious biases towards
heterosexuality as "the norm."
Does your child's openness about being gay bother you?
Are you embarrassed to be around your child if he or she exibits any
behavior that would indicate his or her homosexuality? Do you see that
as flaunting? If so, do you also consider "flaunting" if heterosexuals
hold hands or even kissing in public? Is a heterosexual man "flaunting"
his sexuality if he makes a comment about a beautiful woman he sees?
We often think that it's an acceptable expectation that gay men and women
should somehow hide their homosexuality. Would you consider eliminating
any signs in your behavior that might indicate that you're heterosexual? Why
would that be an acceptable expectation of gay men and women?
Are you having trouble with the idea of gay sex? Normally, we do not constantly think about and analyze the sexual activities of heterosexuals. So, why is it that we obsess over gay sex? That's an indication that we're not as accepting of it as we might want to believe.
It is difficult for us to be supportive of our children unless we can accept them fully. If you had difficulty answering the questions above, you're not alone. Many of us have faced these issues and many more. PFLAG upholds the idea that other parents who've been where you are now are the best people to help you understand what your child's homosexuality is really all about. This is how we can support one another so that parents and families like you can deal with difficulties dealing with a loved one's coming out.
