Parents, Families, and Friends of
Support Education AdvocacyQuestions and Answers
For Those Whose Loved Ones Just Came Out
Click on the questions, and see the answers below:
What is happening to me?... Why tell me? Is it my fault? Who recruited my child? What about the law? Should we tell? Is there objective information? Is it a sin? Is it unnatural? Am I in denial? How does my child feel? Is there a cure? Why doesn't my child "act gay"? Will my child have a lonely life? No more grandchildren? Who can I talk to? What about AIDS? Any books I can read?
Who Recruited My Child?
Nobody. Your child was gay from a surprisingly young age, and never made a conscious choice to be gay, so no-one could have recruited him or her.
It's tempting to go looking for scapegoats. This is a deeply emotional issue for parents, and one that brings out all the protective instincts in good parents.
It is impossible for anyone to recruit anybody to "be gay." The reason for this is simple—being gay isn't a choice anyone consciously makes.
Dr. Jack Weinberg, president of the American Psychiatric Association, said in a public statement on October 6, 1977, that fears of "catching" homosexuality or being "recruited" at school or elsewhere are "... utterly without scientific foundation."
Stop and ask yourself—"When did I make a conscious decision to be heterosexual? To be attracted to only persons of the opposite sex?" Of course you never did.
Can you pick and choose who excites you physically? Of course not. And neither can your child. Since he or she can't consciously decide who to be attracted to, being told that attractions to the same sex are wrong, sinful or evil can be utterly painful, because he or she can't prevent those feelings. They just happen. Over time, that guilt, fear and anger can build to create depression to the point of suicide. As a parent, you need to be sensitive to the feelings of guilt and fear.
Your child is gay not because of anything you or anyone else did. While science can't explain precisely what "causes" homosexuality, leading researchers in the field have shown that both genetics and environmental influences play a part (see the bibliography section for more information).
In fact, many will go to the extent of saying, "Why are we looking for the cause of homosexuality? Is anyone trying to understand what causes heterosexuality?"
