Parents, Families, and Friends of
Support Education AdvocacyQuestions and Answers
For Those Whose Loved Ones Just Came Out
Click on the questions, and see the answers below:
What is happening to me?... Why tell me? Is it my fault? Who recruited my child? What about the law? Should we tell? Is there objective information? Is it a sin? Is it unnatural? Am I in denial? How does my child feel? Is there a cure? Why doesn't my child "act gay"? Will my child have a lonely life? No more grandchildren? Who can I talk to? What about AIDS? Any books I can read?
What is Happening to Me? and My Child?
Regardless how you found out, you now know something very importatnt about who your child is. When our loved ones come out to us (that is, reveal to us that they are a lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgendered person), they've shared information that is very sensitive and important to them. For most parents, this can be a very difficult experience. Fortunately, for most of us, it can also be an opportunity for personal growth. How turns out depends on us and the choices we make after finding out.
It has been the experience of many parents before you that, whether or not we initiate the process willingly, there are stages we all go through. Each stage involves learning and growing. Sometimes it is a painful process, sometimes a joyful one. What we get out of it depends on what we're willing to put into it, and how open-minded we can be. It also depends on us how long it takes to move through (or stay stuck) in one stage or another.
Some parents hold their prejudices more dearly than their children and actually reject their children outright, disown them or throw them out on the street. You probably haven't done that, or you wouldn't be reading this. Statistically, you're already ahead of one fourth of parents of gay children.
Many of us decided to make the best of this and make our best effort to overcome our initial shock. Those of us who chose to participate in an organization like PFLAG benefited from the experiences of other parents and families. Their experience and loving support inspired us and gave us a preview what we ourselves would experience.
Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG is not the only source of support. Nonetheless, our experience with parents, families and friends of gay loved ones makes PFLAG a unique support group as well as an unparalleled source of education.
